Well, October 1st 2025 is here again.
I got on here because my mind was spiraling, and I needed to get so many things out of it. I was going to just write it all, but I type faster and by mind needs faster. So I am going to just blah it all out as it comes to me...so maybe I can start this beautiful month off well. Full disclosure---this is literally a mind dump, no nuggets of knowledge, no bigger meanings, and it is just a spiral of chaos in my brain.
Family:
My family is something that will always be my strength and my weakness. I hold onto so many things and so many people that sometimes it is hard to just stop and be me. I couldn't sleep last night, due to all the things circling through my head. I have to say though, my family wasn't circling for worries or frustrations...it was circling around because I am so darn grateful for them. My sweet boys drive me up the wall at times, but they are good humans. They are kind and show it through random acts. They are loving and show it through hugs, kisses, cuddles, and handshakes. They are strong and confident, they went on rollercoasters this weekend at Holiday World and fought through all the fears. They also have fought some sickness lately and brave through it like champs. My husband is one in a million, he planned a day trip---that I was hesitant about. I wanted to just stay home, but man am I glad that we went. He was right that they would have a good time, and it was great letting him lead this adventure and let go of control.
Friends:
I wanted to start off by saying I am a bad friend, but hell I take that back. I am a great friend but one who feels like I am always the one to seak out others. I rarely feel chosen or cared for at the same extent that I put in effort...I know that is not a fair statement but that is how my heart feels. It feels hurt that I am not someone's first call to hangout, That a random text or call to check in doesn't happen unless I'm making it. Some of the people who have checked in though are not who I would have ever expected, and I am grateful for them. They reached out to make sure I was okay...they listened and did not judge. I know that life is busy and that we all have our own things going on, but am I wrong to feel like sometimes I shouldn't have to be the one to hold our friendships together? I love my friends so very much and I am grateful for each one. I'm grateful for the reason, season, and lifetime friends. I'm grateful for time apart and time together. I just wish sometime the apart wasn't for so long. Everyone has their own lives, their own heavy stuff, their own fears, worried, and concerns...and that is why we all struggle with being able to be there for others....hell we are all just trying to stay above water sometimes and I know that shouldn't be an excuse to let friendships stray---but it seems to be what we all do automatically---when in reality, we should be leaning into those friends. We should be making the calls, saving dates and times regular...because we truly do need them to make life livable instead of bearable. We seem to let the things go that would bring us the most peace during times of chaos---why is that? Why is it that we use that excuse of 'too busy' with the people that we need the most? If we would just make the time, then we would truly be able to live life with eachother than just 'get through it' without eachother.
Man is coffee delicious. I just got up to get a cup and that 1st sip just hits perfectly.
Work:
Work is somewhere I have felt I am struggling. I feel like all of September that I was just, there. Like I wasn't making a difference. I felt like I was just going through the motions yet accomplishing nothing. I know none of that is true and that I am valued...but I struggle with purpose in this role. I feel like at times I am just filling the spot and not truly making an impact and do others feel that way? Do others question why this role even exists...am I doing everything possible to guide and support? I just don't know...September was really difficult and I hope that October isn't. I have many coaching cycles going, which is where I focused my August and September...but that meant I wasn't in classes a lot...which is where I would love to be more. I need to figure out the best way to manage my schedule so that I can actually visit classes more and give appropriate feedback. I know that I have been in my office way more the past couple of weeks then I like...so that is my goal for October----get out of my room and go into classes and give feedback. Short and to the point feedback where it is something they can implement quickly. I had concerns last year about doing that, but I think that I have built relationships enough to be honest and supportive. I need to come out of worries and focus on my strengths...and one of those strengths is that I am an experienced educator with solid instructional strategies. I just need to maintain my schedule and try to balance ALL the plates that we have to carry in our building, because being in a small county means that we don't have enough positions for the people and the coaches are more than just instructional coaches...we have to be Math coaches, English coaches, Science coaches, Support staff, therapists, problem solvers, school data pulers and organizers, admin coaches, and so many more things that it really makes us feel inadequate at times because we have to wear so many hats that we feel like we can't wear any one of them confidently and proudly. We always feel like we have let some one down, dropped the ball on a task, didn't do enough.
It's the Harvest Moon today, and it is a Supermoon. I knew that my mind was overwhelmed, and that makes sense because this Moon is in Aries and I'm an Aries. Here is what a quick Google search explains about the Aries Super Harvest Moon.
- The fiery energy of the Aries Full Moon can lead to strong emotions, heightened sensitivity, and a tendency to react impulsively.
- This celestial event provides an opportunity to reflect on the spiritual, mental, and physical seeds you've sown and assess if you are reaping the rewards you desire.
- The moon spotlights the potential for confusing independence with isolation, prompting you to consider whether you are carrying too much alone.
- You may be tempted to flare up in arguments; instead, practice using your superpower of assertive communication to explain your needs calmly and clearly.
- Use the intense fire energy productively. This could involve physical activities like dancing or going for a run, engaging in creative pursuits, or journaling.
- Before reacting, take a pause. Notice when your defenses come up and distinguish between real threats and imagined ones.
- Let go of old grudges and negative emotions. This full moon marks a turning point for releasing heavinessand making space for new alliances.
- Journal about the partnerships you're ready to invite into your life. You are strong and supported, not just isolated.
- Recognize that your choices shape your life. If your current path isn't bringing you peace and happiness, it's time to choose something different.
