One Day at a Time: Big Trees Sway

March 26, 2020

Swaying but Sturdy

Have you ever just sat? Sat and listened to the world around you? Sat and let your mind wonder and reflect? Looked at the world around you and wondered how it was connected to you? Wondered why your soul was so much more at peace when you feel the sun, hear the birds, smell the green, and just see life unfolding in front of you?

That was me this morning. I spent time just sitting with my coffee and the world around me. Hearing birds chirp and squawk, squirrels fight and dogs bark. Watching birds soar and squirrels jump from tree to tree. Observing how clouds change and disappear as they passed by. Smelling the green of the earth, mud/dirt (because we can't grow grass), and freshly cut trees. Feeling the dirt on my feet and sun on my face and dew on my legs from my seat. But most of all what I observed were the trees.

They are Tall. They are strong (I know we just cut down 11 and the sound when they fall is like no other). They are flexible and some parts break or snap...but not enough to effect their beauty...not enough to effect their ability to be life and security for the world around them. Even the ones who have fallen still become a source of life for other things around them. They Sway with beauty and Dance in the wind.

Image result for quotes from the giving tree

My favorite book growing up was "The Giving Tree" and to this day that is still the case. This morning, I am not only reminded of this story, but also it made me reflect on how the past 29 years have made me like these trees.

How do Trees Grow?

As my twenties come to a close, I realize how much they have grown me, how much they have changed me, what parts of me are the twigs and which parts are the trunk and roots.

Trees not only grow up, they grow out and down. Meaning, there is more to them than we can see. "Most trees’ roots extend beyond the widest branch tips"---Think about that! The roots extend beyond the WIDEST branch tips...Now, think about people.

Think about how much more is beneath the surface of those around you. How much we don't know about people and how much they have within them. We all have so many memories, experiences, and events that have shaped who we are and who we grow into as people.

Two trees can grow in the exact same environment, experience the exact same conditions and events yet EVERY tree is different. The bark, roots, limbs are each shaped and have their own design. They have their own trunks and rings within them, each unique and unable to be replicated or matched. Much like every person in this world. No person is identical to another. No ones feelings, memories, or perspectives are the same. We all have our own unique, flawed, sometimes bumpy but oh so beautiful life. We value all of these trees for their uniqueness and their beauty---shouldn't we be do the same for each other?

My Personal Roots, Trunk, and Twigs

Roots:

The roots to my life (and to I would assume most) are my family. These roots have helped me to grow and spread, they have grown deeper and spread out greatly in my 29 years. Some roots have become damaged, some lost, and some stronger than others. We have twisted roots and straight roots, roots that hold more weight than others. I have found that depending on my perspective, my roots are the strength in parts of my family and in other parts, they depend on the roots around them for survival. One root alone cannot hold up the entire being, it can not provide all of the strength or nutrients...it is forced to depend on those around. This lesson has been the hardest for me to learn. Asking for help, delegating, and releasing my anxieties has been an ever changing and ever growing journey.

I have found so many ways that I am strong the past few years and I have found strength in identifying my "weaknesses". I have grown through paths that were dark and twisty. I have been through trauma on a personal and global scale. Like many others, my path was not perfect or forged for me (though I have had ease where others struggled), and like the tree it was not easy to break through to create new paths. I have had parts of my growth that were much easier, I have had parts that have made me understand how fortunate I am to have those around me and my circumstances. We have made it from times of financial, emotional, and physical pains to bliss and beauty. My roots continue to shift, grow spread, and strengthen. My family has grown through new life and strengthened through loss. We have expanded beyond our branches and embraced others as our own and as family. These roots continue to grow, adapt, and strengthen. Roots must be cared for and fed, Roots bust be protected and loved. Roots are the foundation to growth. I am grateful for my roots and for the roots I provide for my children. They have many in their corner and we will continue to instill the values of cherishing these roots throughout their lives.

Trunk:

My trunk is my physical/mental being and the internal circling of events and growth. The trunk of a tree is scared, bruised, wider as it ages, and completely unique.

Dead, central wood of trees. Its cells usually contain tannins or other substances that make it dark in colour and sometimes aromatic. Heartwood is mechanically strong, resistant...

Did you know that the darker portion of a trees trunk, the most internal core of the tree is called "heart"wood did you also know that portion of the tree is technically dead? Weird huh? How we name something dead after that which keeps us alive? This heartwood, if exposed to air, would cause the decay to happen quickly. Instead, it is protected by layers and layers of history. These layers define the tree, they keep a history of events, some good some bad. Some trees have thicker bark than others...yet they all depend on this bark and these new cells (experiences) to keep the heartwood protected.

As our skin does for our everyday physical well being. Our health and heart are dependent upon our skin and our reactions of events through time for protection. Our skin, every wrinkle and scar tells a story. I was talking with one of my 'more experienced" friends awhile back and she mentioned her wrinkles and complaining about how old she looked. I smiled, and said I embrace those lines (especially the ones she was pointing too--the laughing ones 😏) . Because they tell a story, they tell us we have lived, those lines tell me I have smiled and laughed. We have 2 ways of looking at these things. We can choose to let events or trauma break us and reveal our heartwood, or we can embrace, stay strong, learn, adapt, and keep growing. The continued growth of our minds and spirits help to protect our hearts. WE need to ALL remember that.

As we cut down some trees I notices that I could identify the trees by their barks and their trunks, but no 2 trees were identical. No two trees had the same spots or circles on their interior. We may "have similar skins" and similar events that revolve around our lives, but none of us have identical histories. Yet we all produce our own beauty and benefit to the world. Each of our stories are valued and needed. We need each other and we need to be understanding, caring and loving to one another and ourselves. One tree is beautiful standing alone, but as I look out off of my deck, the view is much more beautiful as all of the trees dance together in the wind during these crazy and unpredictable times.

But, the trees don't just look pretty together, they care for each other. I see some trees have broken, yet not fallen because those around it hold it up. Much like people can be broken or hurt at times and require support. While we were cutting trees, we had just one left to go (this one was a tough one)...what made it more difficult, was that the tree beside it refused to let it fall. One strong limb of this tree held onto the entire weight of the tree we had cut. We had to push, shove, pull and eventually the tree fell...but not before breaking the limb of the tree that was providing support.

This made me really think about how supporting each other and caring for each other is important, but oh so often, many of us do it to the point that we break. I know I tend to do this and have been doing it my entire life. I am full of empathy, a helper, a healer, and a teacher. I tend to "do too much" for others and not enough for myself. Over the past 10 years, I have learned this about myself. I have also learned to set boundaries, have the hard talks, make hard decisions about trust, and learned to say no when I need (yes I still slip up often...but as stated before I continue to grow). In just the past few years, I have made this area of life one to work on. A friend of mine (thanks Megan) introduced me to Brene Brown and her stories/research hit my heart in all the right places that I needed at this time in my life...so I did what I do best, learn. I started reading, practicing, and exploring my own mind and spirit. I'll leave you with this one image that I have found helpful from her readings in terms of self care...an acronym.

Image result for brene brown braving acronym

Twigs:

The twigs and branches are what we notice first about trees. We see the beauty that they bring in the changing seasons as well as the fruit and bounty they provide. We watch them slowly grow through time. Sometimes they break, sometimes they sway, and sometimes they become a safe haven for another. I read a line while doing some tree research that said this: "Until you understand the differences, all branches look pretty much alike. But the differences between forks, true branches, and epicormic sprouts (sometimes called "suckers") are profound and important. Knowing them could save your tree, your house, or your life." WOW---who knew trees could have so much meaning and bring so much perspective to ones mind (PS. I promise, I'm almost done).

My branches have become full and bountiful through the years. I have had times when they were scarce as a dogwood in the winter, and I have had times where they are full bloom and filled with new life and opportunities. Every year brings on new branches, sometimes true branching occurs and sometimes forks and sprouts"suckers" occur. True branching occurs from the buds. this is branching that has lead to my own family and beauty. This is branching that defines us, strengthens us, and shows the world how fierce we truly are. These branches continue to help me grow as a person, mother, wife, friend, and teacher.

Forks occur in my life often daily, as forks in a tree are observable and real. I have to make more decisions in my life now than I have ever had to and that takes a toll on you. Some of these forks lead to a new budding branch and some of them break. Some are stronger than others, but all have built me into the person I am and the person I will be. Will I always choose the right path or make the right decision, heck no....will I still be okay and will my family/friends still be okay when I make mistakes and choose the wrong direction? Absolutely. Because looking out the window and seeing the beauty and power that these trees possess is profound, as we all are profound in our own unique ways.

Then that leaves us (haha leaves 😂) with the "suckers". Oh do we all have those in our lives, they are the thoughts and the societal "you should be ____s". Suckers are superficial parts of growth that at times look perfect and beautiful, but are actually weak, uncontrollable, and increase the distress response. These are parts of our lives that bring up the I "Should", "Could", and "Woulds" of comparing ourselves to others. They are the things that social media, news outlets, and commercials (though starting to get better) have us comparing our lives to. These are things we read like "how to be the perfect mom/teacher/wife/ (insert title here)" created to "help" but in turn just turn into (as Brene Brown would say) shame triggers. Sending us into a well of unworthiness, feelings of defeat, and sadness. These are the branches we need the most help to identify, because they threaten our well being and our life. They threaten our family, home, and friendships. When you learn to identify these suckers (we all have them) we can truly appreciate and care for the true branches in our lives.

Today is the last day of my twenties and I release it with love, growth, and optimism for what the next few decades bring. The roaring twenties were just that, full of so many roaring events from births, deaths, moves, relationships formed and lost, career changes and family relationships strengthened. I appreciate every day that I have, I see the beauty and the darkness. I see the growth and potential of light darkness. I rise as a tree in the forest and I dance/sway with those I love. I will support you as well as myself. I will choose so many paths and hit obstacles, but I will persevere and grow.

Never Stop Growing.
Never Stop Learning.
Never Stop Caring.

Be true to yourself, and when your not- recognize it and redirect. Above all, Love yourself, Love others, and Love the Earth you belong to...we are very small in a Universe of unknown.
Remember: We Are All Connected---through the most difficult times, just remember that...you. are. not. alone.
You are strong, your life is unique, and your experiences create opportunities for strength. Be a Tree!