Fall and Falling Apart

October 1, 2024 

We have entered Fall and October is ALWAYS my sign that things are ready to change. It is my external sign that allows me to know we are into the last leg of the year. THIS is my favorite time of year because it reminds me that letting go and change can be so beautiful and healing. This is the time of year that my soul heals from everything it has endured. 

I know that it is not that way for everyone, but man do I appreciate it. I was talking to a couple of friends yesterday, who are going through a hard time, and I made a couple of comments/analogies that just hit me in the feels so I wanted to make sure to save them for whenever my busy self has time to actually write this book I plan to write...if for no other reason then to help myself heal. 

Falling Apart and Fall: 

We are not meant to be perfect. We are meant to mess up, fall down, and get back up. Nothing in this life has it easy. Every single living organism on this Earth struggles to survive. It is a major part of natural law. Nothing in this life is easy and sometimes the most beautiful things/people come from the hardest most difficult situations. Hell, think about flowers, we quite literally throw shit on them and they grow through the darkness, pressure, and shit into these beautiful things that we then admire. I have survived, learned, and grown from some awful situations throughout these 34 years of life and when I look back and really list them, I have to be like DAMN---I made it through that? So surely I can make it through This? 

Things that happened for me (not to me, because each of these good/bad and ugly moments created me), that have made me into the beautiful broken soul I am today include: family trauma and struggles, house fires, rape, helping my sissy care for her beautiful newborn through my last years of high school, being a caretaker from a young age for my beautiful Bubba who had diabetes, Downs Syndrome, and then watching Alzheimer's change him completely, abusive (Physical and emotional) relationships, excessive drinking and destructive decisions, postpartum depression, fostering a child who was abused and helping her heal wounds she should have never endured, sick and hospitalized kids, IVF and surrogacy, self harm, helping friends find help with eating disorders and self harm, being there for friends/students with suicidal intentions, depression (constant battle),  9/11/01, flood May 2010, Covid and teaching 2020, births of 3 children, miscarriages of 3, arguments, frustrations, deaths of loved ones, deaths of pets, joys of parenting, fears and worries of parenting, grieved friendships, celebrated new ones, moved houses, vacationed/traveled so many places, sicknesses, hikes, 5Ks, weight gain and weight loss, graduations of myself, Tim, nieces and nephews, and career changes. There are many more, but those are just a few things in this short 34 swirls around the sun that I could think of off the top of my head that helped to shape me.

Anyway, like I said above, each of those things has shaped me into the human that I am today, and I believe I and a great human. I have no regrets or resentments. have forgiven for myself. 

I have Flaws and Failures but also Wins and Wonders. This life is not easy for anyone, and we each have our own stories to tell...but don't let your story stop, keep moving forward. Keep being strong, ask for help, seek love and understanding, forgive, and fall from the ties of anger, frustrations, and fears. 

January 4, 2025 1:30 am...this post has stayed unpublished for several months because I was fearful, but now I release that too.